I feel relieved. The time spent preparing for my decision meant sleepless nights and a lot of thought. It made me feel good that everyone perceived me as a strong fighter, and that when I said I wasn't going to fight they were disappointed. But on the other hand, the same people who wanted me to fight said they respected my decision. My family has been very supportive. After reviewing my reasons why, they understand. Now it's just a matter of figuring out what to do with my life. I'll probably start writing just as therapy.
It was Friday the 13th when I learned there was a rumor about some pictures. It was late afternoon and I was getting ready for the Miss New York State Pageant that night in Watertown. I got a call from a man who would not give his name that there was a rumor I would be featured in September's Penthouse. While it was just a rumor, I contacted the pageant officials and told them about the old photos. I was in Little Rock when the news broke six days later—my reaction was shock.
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